I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
