You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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