How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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