I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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