I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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