you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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