if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
