This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
