You work out of a Hotel?
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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