"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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