the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
