eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Couch. On fire.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
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