I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
