I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
