Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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