He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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