Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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