I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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