So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
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