i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
