Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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