She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
