She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Randomize
