Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
