I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
