woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Randomize
