You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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