I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
