Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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