Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize