I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize