Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
