Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
