and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
