I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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