i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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