nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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