he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
