just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
