I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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