They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
