Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize