he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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