Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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