hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
