so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
