3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
