If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
