then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
