Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
