ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
