Barsexuality is the new black.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
