Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
FUCK WHALES
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
