Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
