my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
