Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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