Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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