Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
