she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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