i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
