Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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