can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
