I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Semen is not good for contacts.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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