I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
