And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Randomize
