she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
