Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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