wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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