Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
