do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize