so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
