bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
