I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I didn't notice because vodka
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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