to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
