How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
