I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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