So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
