1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize