It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
