a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
