How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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