This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
