He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
