i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
