8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
