I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
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