butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
