I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
