he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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